Time that has gone by.

Maa - "Very good beta, proud of you." (Sobbing)

Me - "Main bohot khush hun maa, I am not able to believe this day has come." (Sobbing)

Maa - "Babaji sab acha krte hain Jassi."

There are some times in life when you cant believe what you have done ? What you have gained ? What you have shitted your ass off to complete ?

I am going through that time of my life where I "think" - I am more mature than I was 4 years back. I am much more in love than I was 4 years back. I have more friends than I had 4 years back. I HAVE MORE PROUDER PARENTS THAN I EVER HAD 21 YEARS BACK.

There was something in that 2 minutes talk on the phone with Maa. Something that made me sob for the last 1.30 minutes of that talk.

 "Very good beta, proud of you."

I don't even remember the last time I ever heard these words, not denying the fact that there must have been instances where Maa would have used these words, but TODAY she meant it. She meant these words from the deepest possible sentiment she has for me inside her heart.

The happiest moment I am feeling right now is so much more a collective effort than it is a singular effort. The amount of patience that my friends have shown has been a remarkable motivation for me towards life. Friends who did everything they could have done to help me out in difficult situations (well, I hope you did).

You all friends will make me cry the time I meet you one last time before eloping into the unknown, absolute unknown.

Thank you to all of you people who touched my life in any way and I am truly sorry to those all who at any point of time felt offended because of me. I truly am sorry.

God bless you all.

Ciao.

Jasmeet Singh.

The Settlement Drift.

So this is how it goes :-

Siddhant Tyagi - Mahindra & Mahindra Automobile Ltd. (Well you deserved this, 'coz from my POV you have always been one step ahead from people I have known in my life till now.)

Nitesh Poonia - Honda Ltd. (Asshole, motherfucker, SOB, BC, MC etc. etc. for you. How you got this one is 90% your charm on people and 10% your good luck.)

Shubhanshu Aggarwal - Maruti Suzuki India Ltd. (You were destined to be placed one day, be it Maruti or any other company.)

Dheeraj Tripathi - Ventana CEANTech (Hard Work & Knowledge pays-off, all the time. Example ----> YOU.)

Kirti Vardhan - Adani Gas (All that motivation you had in you was someday gonna pay-off, it payed off with this. Maybe you are not completely satisfied with it, but who cares about that for you. ;) )

Sachin Singh - Kandla Chemicals & Energy Ltd. (Saw you in those days of dejection. But look where you are now. Shows that one should never lose hope in life.)

Anshul Patria - Infosys (Your curiousness will take you places and have taken you places.)

Varad Sabharwal - Infosys (This is just a rebound of your B.Tech. You have many options to explore in life.)

Ashish Sharma - Infosys (Don't know much about you brother but from what I have felt is that you are very much satisfied with your upcoming life, which is something very scarce in people of our age.)

Ritesh Goel - Mahindra Satyam (It is crap. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it. What you have are excellent managerial skills, team leadership qualities etc. etc. Bigger things are definitely coming for you just as that baba said to you. :P)

Sarthak Sinha - Mahindra Satyam (Just a couple of good decisions in life could have taken you places till now. But that's life, right ? Do not regret but keep on trying 'coz you deserve better than this and mark my word you will get better than this.)

Prateek Aggarwal - Accenture.

Nishant Pandey - None (You will go places, definitely you will.)

Rishabh Shukla - None (Bawaaaaa.....??? :D. For you, all I have is wishes, wishes and wishes. Struggle, bad luck etc. etc. has been a part of your life that I have spent with you till now. But the qualities you have engraved in yourself will surely (surely) take you to your deserved destination.)

Jasmeet Singh - None.

Now the whole point of all this that I have written is that everybody has that one/two things with them which they are aware of. I feel that I lack that one/two abilities in life which could make the difference.
But that would never make me envy the people I have been in contact with, rather it sometimes gives me that kick to work towards a particular goal.

Maybe you all would be wondering what is "The Settlement Drift" ? Its the drift that we all are looking for in life, specially at the age I am. At this age of ours, the brain is at it's best to get you all "panicked", "fucked up" for deciding your career path. That's where I feel that if only I had that one/two abilities to  gather myself up and stand up against my mind trying to fuck me up.

In the end I would just like to wish everybody luck and all the best, so that you all can drift towards your settlement.
Hope I catch mine, 'coz I know if I once catch mine I'll make it count.

Memories : Key to Happiness

Now, as any other child in the world, my memory, when I was born was of a size of a pea. There is absolutely no memory of bhai (brother) and me in my mind when I was an infant. But the things that I have been told are wonderfully emotional.

In the early months of my birth, like other children, I was taken to a pediatrician for my regular check-ups and routine vaccinations. The incident which always makes my eyes wet is when I, mom, dad and bhai were at the clinic of my pediatrician for my vaccination injection. I was barely 3 months old. As soon as the doctor put that injection on my bum, bhai started screaming, NOT ME BUT MY BHAI. I started crying almost 30 seconds after the injection was pulled out of my bum, but bhai on the other hand was crying from the moment that injection touched my bum before entering. My dad being an emotional person understood what feelings bhai was going through. It was as if bhai was feeling the pain that was supposed to be felt by me. What if I was only 3 months old he could still understand what I was going through.

In those times, our house had 2 air conditioners, one in mom & dad’s room and the other upstairs in OUR room in which we both used to sleep together. Now if I have to recall the earliest memory of him and me sleeping together, it would be him whacking “IT” off at night while I was asleep. Since I am not a very sound sleeper, I used to get disturbed due to his “ACTIONS”. Obviously I didn’t know what he was doing at that time because I was merely 5 years old. I even thought to tell mom that “Mummy, bhai raat ko bhai hilta kyun rehta hai?” ("Mom, why does he shakes in the night" ?) but then I thought to forget it.

Guru Harkrishan Public School, a fine place for a Sikh student to study, have fun, have fights etc.Since bhai was already in class 9^th when I was supposed to join school, I had that extra-ordinary feeling of having a “BADA BHAI” in school. No one could touch me because my brother was in class 9^th. But I being a friendlier person at that time (Not that I am not a friendly person now), I never had any fights with my friends. But still I always knew that if something happened to me “HE” would come to help me. He even became the Head Boy of the school when he was in class 12^th. I still don’t know how he managed to become a head boy in G.H.P.S., because one has to have so many contacts in the S.G.P.C (Sikh Gurudwara Prabandhak Committee), they being the funders of our school and as far as I know my dad, he has absolutely no contacts whatsoever in the S.G.P.C. and also, one has to butter the teachers all the time to be in their outlook and my brother was never the person who would be buttering teachers. But then, he still was THE HEAD BOY.

As it is winter time and one can see his/her breath in the morning, a couple of days back when I was going to college I suddenly realized that when I was small and my mum used to take me to the bus stand for the school in the morning I used to play all the time with my breath coming out of the mouth. I instantly called my mum on the phone and told her that I was missing her leaving me on the bus stand. It actually made me very sentimental.

Memories are what actually keep you running when all the other sources of energy fail in someones life. if it was for these memories people wouldn't be clicking pictures all the time. I don't know about everyone but for me life has two power sources, one being motivation and other being memories.

Ciao.

The Beginning of An Insecurity

15^th August, 1998 Onwards

A new train was to be started from New Delhi Railway Station to Bombay Central, August Kranti Express. And all I knew was that this new train is going to take my old bhai away from me. Yes, he was going. He was going to Bombay for his engineering. Dad, along with my uncle was going to get him settled there. I and mom had gone to see him off at the railway station. After a long wait at the station, the train finally started moving and as the speed of train was increasing; my mom’s tears were also increasing exponentially. I didn’t know what to feel at that time but all I remember was that I started crying seeing him go away, away from me. With whom was I now going to play cricket in the verandah, who was going to save me from mom’s beating and who will save me in a fight at school? These questions repeatedly came in my mind as I was crying profusely. I also remember, that, when I was crying in the car after boarding him off in the train, I was counting the number of years on my finger-tips and was calculating in what class will I be when bhai will come back from Bombay and guess what I would be in class 7^th when he will be back.

Dad was back after a week or so after settling bhai in Bombay. I was probably sitting in the living room watching TV or studying and I don’t know what made me go to his room that evening but I went close to dad and started making a “fish-face” for him. At first he didn’t notice but then after a couple of minutes he did notice me making that face and tears started rolling out of his eyes. He held me with my hand and hugged me very tightly and said “I know what you were trying to do; you saw that I am sad and you tried to make me happy.” I don’t know why I did that but I thought it will make him happy and it did. Even till date he mentions that incident to me sometimes and it still makes him happy.

As soon as bhai left, life became hell. Not literally but yeah, it somehow did. From the day I was born I was used to sleep with bhai but when he left I was supposed to sleep alone. When a 7 year old child is made to sleep alone at night, on the first floor all alone, he practically pisses his pants. As a child it was the worst thing happening to me because of bhai. I was made to sleep alone upstairs, but I just could not sleep. I used to cry all night and then come downstairs to mom and sleep with her. But this could not go forever; I had to sleep somewhere permanently without initially crying.

Since sleeping upstairs alone was not at all happening, mom and dad decided to make me sleep in the living room. NOTHING HAPPENED. As soon as I used to close my eyes, horrible nightmares used to flood my mind and I ended up crying every time.

As mom and dad realized that I am just not able to sleep alone, they decided to move me in their room but on a slightly different bed. It was a thinner mattress with a sheet over it and on the ground. It didn’t matter where I was sleeping, what mattered was with whom I was sleeping.

Now as I look back I think I know what was happening to me. I can’t be left alone in life. I always need someone close to me always, someone on whom I can bank upon. Whether it was bhai before going to Bombay, whether it was mom & dad after bhai went to Bombay or it is Preet or my friends in my current life. At that time the only time when I was used to be left alone was when I was going to sleep. But today it’s not about sleep; it’s more about having someone when I am down.

We the Halberdiers.

Everyone of you knows that after my first semester result things were really bad for me (not because of my result dude, because of the friendship issues with my now really good friends)....had no one except preet to talk to, who was also not with me (she was in delhi and me in dehradun).

There was one group of friends always laughin' at each other or doing anything in their power to laugh all day long...i could hear them laughing all day and that actually made me jealous of them all....i had forgotten how it felt when you laugh.

C-106
Roomates - Varad, Sarthak, Nirmal.
Non-Roomates - Kirti, Ritesh, Dheeraj, Ashish, Aditya, Prateek, Kunal, Chandu.
I went up to the room just to have a look at what was the whole thing that you people enjoyed...and it was a stupid game that I thought I would have never liked if it was not you people who were playing it...AOE, i mean who plays AOE yaar....but when i saw you people playing, i thought there was no harm in seeing you people play...
Varad was the one beside whom I sat to see the game (mainly 'coz I had talked to him earlier)...
"yaar tu har baar huns hi kyun leta hai", I asked him...
"abey ghar nhi banane padte, isliye", answered varad...
As the time went by it was regular of me to be at their room and see all of 'em play....one day when there was an oppurtunity, even I played the game and obviously the team that I was in LOST...but it was not about that I lost the game but it was a fact that I found GOOD FRIENDS....real good friends...

The Thursday Routine...
Mess food was at its worst on thursdays and all of us used to go to maggi point just outside of our college campus...it was so much fun....AOE strategies, jokes on anyone etc etc....

An incident that I will not forget for a long time is the one where you all brought "daaru" to the hostel to drink in the night and all of a sudden Manish Madaan came for a surprise checking in the hostel....
"arey yaar woh almirah mein check nhi karega, pakki baat hai", said varad to all 15 of us, when we said to him that madaan is checking almirah's, bed bunks and every possible corner of the room but when was the last time we or anyone in this world was able to convince Mr. Sabharwal.....meanwhile on the other corner of the floor I thought to check whether ashish, chandu, dheeraj have taken care of their respective bottles abd what I see is chandu rushing towards the toilet to pour all of the stuff in the flush....but atleast he was tryin instead of varad....
2 bottles of beer and another old empty bottle of beer was found from the almirah of varad....fucked was he and all of us (mentally)...sarthak said they checked the almirah first and when they got the bottles from there they thought some more stuff would also be there and they just ripped the whole room apart....then parents came and all sorts of stupid things were said by everyone in Mr. Thapa's room.....in the end they were left on the condition that they will pay a fine of ______ (i dont remember).

Another incident which is unforgettable is the one where you all drank like hell and Kunal was sitting in his common room, full on drunk....nirmal came ti the common room and wanted to sit there with all of 'em (meanwhile I was Kirti and ritesh in their room) and as soon as nirmal sat, kunal said,"nirnal tu please yahaan mat baith kyunki mujhe tere baare mein bohot bura bura bolna hai, if u wanna listen then you can sit".
All of us were dead by laughing at this comment from kunal to nirmal....


This post is only to remind myself as well as you that you all were and will be my very good friends for as long as I know...I dont know how to describe all that I feelfor you all but thats fine 'coz I know you understand...will not be able to forget the time I spent with you all...
From C-106 to Thapar University fest and all the stupidest jokes we ever cracked or will ever crack, cant forget you all....
Thought to do justice to our friendship by this blog and didnt care what I was writing but all that I have written here is from the bottom of my heart for ya all....will have more fun with you in the next one and a half year in this university....
So in the end cheers to you all...
Varad & Kshipra (citra or whatever he calls you)
Sarthak (tere saath bhabhi ka daalun kya)
Kirti
Ritesh
Ashish
Dheeraj & Garima (i dont know your nicknames)
Kunal
Chandu
Sachin
Prateek
Aditya

P.S. - The person behind wikileaks is KIRTI.

"Our" Time span...

2 PM (on phone) :-

Me : Hey, hi....
Her : Haaaaii....
Me : Kya kar rahi hai tu...
Her : Nothing as such....you tell...
Me : I am just thinking about something to tell you....
Her : Arre, you don't need to think before telling me something...
Me : I LOVE YOU...
Her : WHAT.....????
Me : You only told me not to think before telling you something..
Her : Jasmeet...?? You are joking right...??
Me : No Preet.....I love you..
Her : Okay...
Me : Okay...
Silence remains for at least 2 minutes....since someone had to break it, it was her who took the initiative...

Her : Aur bta....
Me : WHAT....????
Me : I just told you that I love you and you are saying "Aur bta"....
Her : Then what else should I say....
Me : Preeeeeet.......I just proposed to you....
Her : I know that Jasmeet, even I am thinking about it....
Me : So, what have you thought of it till now...??
Her : I need time to think Jasmeet...??
Me : Okay, fine with me....should I call you after a half an hour...??
Her : Yeah...
Me : Okay...bye...
Her : Bye.

Then with my mind all into what my mom would have prepared in lunch, I went downstairs.....I was, to be very honest, not worried about what will preet say to proposal....deep inside I knew that she would say YES....after having lunch I came back upstairs and called preet after an exact half an hour....

2.45 (on phone) :-
Me : Hey, hi...
Her : Hi... (she didnt say the usual long "haaaaiii"...I WAS WORRIED)
Me : What happened preet...??
Her : Nothing...
Me : Did you think about it...?
Her : Yeah, I did...
Me : So is it a YES ( :) ) or a No ( :( ) (although I knew the answer but one has to confirm)
Her : Its a No Jasmeet....
Me : You are joking na preet...
Her : No Jasmeet, I am not at all joking...
Me : But what's the problem...??
Her : You are going Jasmeet....??
Me : Where am I going...??
Her : To dehradun, where else....??
Me : So....?? People go and still remain together, this is not fair yaar...
Her : I don't know Jasmeet.....it will be very difficult for us....
Me : U think there is a chance for us to be together....??
Her : Tabhie toh abhi tak iss baare mein tere se baat kar rahi hun....
Me : So is it a YES....??
Her : Haan, it is a YES...
Me : So, even you love me...??
Her : No, I can't comment on that but what I can say is that we are together....cool...???
Me : So cool Preet....
Her : Chal fir, abhi I gotta go and have lunch....u also go and have it...
Me : I already had it....
Her : Bye then...
Me : I love you, okay...
Her : Hmmmm.....bye...
Me : Bye...

This happened on 11 July, 2008 and the date went into the most important dates of my life (even though while writing this post I had to ask her what was "THE DATE" preet)....

Date - 26 July
Location - Barista, CP (New Delhi)
Occasion - Our first date

I reached earlier and was in the outfit which was told to me (formals)....at first she was not able to make out where she was supposed to go...after a very long struggle I made her come to the barista, around which I was waiting...
In between 100's of other people I saw her coming towards me....I was able to recognise her because of her walk....
She was wearing a light blue color top and a denim jeans and I just kept on looking at her till she wasnt standing besides me...
It was wierd at first because she was the same girl whom I never liked in my 13 years of school life but as soon as we were out of GHPS I was in love with the same girl....

Her : You are so good, you are wearing formals....
Me : Thank you...

There were both of us sitting in Barista......she was the one most of the times who was speaking.....actually during that first 5-6 months of our relationship she was the one in command of things but then things started shifting towards me....at first the one thing at which she was good was BAESTI......itni baesti krti thi meri ki kya bataun kitni baesti krti thi meri....
But slowly and slowly it all came to an end and we were only in love.....

Now, coming back to the date....to be very honest it was not one of the best dates.....she was the only one speaking, laughing, making faces and I was doing nothing except for placing the order to the waiter at the coffee shop....but I didn't care much at that time because I was only looking at her doing all those things....IT WAS AWESOME....


Date - 29 July, 2010
Location - Noida, Rajouri Garden
Occasion - Meeting for the last time before she comes to Delhi again

Things had changed a lot from the above date to this date....we had fought a lot of times, metro reached noida and because of this we could go and meet each other anywhere except CP etc. etc....
She came to Noida and we went to see a movie and after that we had lunch and then we went to Rajori to meet her college senior....we bought a couple of clothes at some stupid Rajori mall and when we were standing together thinking that she is going back to Manipal in a day and this is the last time we were meeting before she comes back to Delhi (atleast after 6 months) I said something to her which even I am proud of....

Me : You know what Preet....
Her : What...???
Me : I might joke about everythng in my life but I am very serious about you....
Her : I know Jasmeet...

One thing that I dont understand about women is that how do they know everthing as soon as we say it to them....

After some silence I again said something which I was so sure she didnt know about....

Me : The day I will be heartbroken would be the day you would have let me down and that let down could be in any sense....
Her : I know Jasmeet....
Me : U even knew this...
Her : Yeah...
Me : Ohhh C'mon.....u didnt even had an idea what I just said....
Her : I know Jasmeet, I know everythng you say to me Jassi....

After this conversation we were again talking like no one is going anywhere and after a half an hour came the time when I was standing in front of the metro station at Rajori and she was sitting in a rickshaw and we could only see each other from some distance.....she went and I was still standing there waiting for her to be out of my vision....tears rolled onto my cheeks and I boarded the metro towards Noida.....

I have no idea how to end this post but I have to end it so I am ending it here only....

Signing off
Jasmeet Singh.

My First Time....

For everything in life there is always a first time...THE VERY FIRST TIME... obviously birth and death happen only THE first time...

1). We cry when we take our FIRST breath because for the first time our lungs contract and expand after we r out of the womb.
2). We feel afraid when fr the FIRST time our parents leave us at the play school.

I personally don't remember much of my early childhood but i do remember that wen fr the first time i went fr my admission in school fr nursery class I was REJECTED...let me tell the reason before u start judging me....the reason was that i was underage (i was 4 and they took students above or equal to 5).
Then after my nursery was over and i was promoted to 1st standard i remember my FIRST words to my den best friend Jagpreet Singh, i said to him something like this "yaar hum log nursery mei hi ache the, kam se kam uniform to nhi pehni padti thi"...i don't remember the second line or ny other line from that whole year but FIRST one i will always remember...
Then came the time wen i fr the FIRST time came first in my whole batch of 1st standard students (scored 99.2 %)...feeling was NICE...!!
The one FIRST time that i will never forget was the one wen i abused fr the first time...standard 4th was the era and night out camp at the school was the occasion...some 2 year elder students used to chori our cricket balls while we used to play...that day was no exception...the tried to take our ball and wen they got our ball and ran to the washroom we ran behind them and caught them there (mind u the ratio was 1:6, with we being 12)...the moment they came in our grip me and others in sync started screaming "teri bhen ki ****" & "teri maa ki **** "....doing this was not at all in our plans but it happened and hence i lost my virginity (at least & only in abuse).
Then was another thing which i just remembered was wen fr the FIRST time i heard our teacher abusing, Mrs. Haldar was she and she screamed "kutte" in the class to sme student...
Since till now i was almost 12 i was bound to a crush on someone and that was some girl (cant mention her name because she might gt offended with this)...she even became my girlfriend fr some time but then everything bad has to come to an end i guess and this was my FIRST crush and with this crush came my FIRST breakup....then life just moves on at a higher speed coz we are reaching our FIRST boards exams....till the time we leave school nothing seems to be the FIRST time because till den every damn thing repeats...
Then comes the FIRST entrance exam...IIT-JEE (talking of non-medical students)...that exam actually takes out fear out of us of entrance exams...
Fir kya hota hai yaar...we get our admission in some college and den comes the FIRST friend u meet in your college, Neelmani Chawla in my case, and then comes our FIRST day of college....which in a way is not very much different from the first day at play school because at both times we are afraid of something, the school one i have already mentioned and at college v fear our seniors....
But in between going to college and my 12 boards came a time wen for the FIRST time i was in love....with this comes the first date and which i would love to mention was awesome yet weird....

We met after 6 months and 22 days and fr me it was almost like seeing her fr the first time....i was really angry at that time fr something but the moment i saw her coming down from the stairs at rajiv chowk metro station i forgot everything damn thing in my life and was so happy to see her....i don't know how many first times are still left of anything but its OK i guess...
cant write anymore now...really tired today...
Signing off...
Jasmeet Singh.


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