Memories : Key to Happiness

Now, as any other child in the world, my memory, when I was born was of a size of a pea. There is absolutely no memory of bhai (brother) and me in my mind when I was an infant. But the things that I have been told are wonderfully emotional.

In the early months of my birth, like other children, I was taken to a pediatrician for my regular check-ups and routine vaccinations. The incident which always makes my eyes wet is when I, mom, dad and bhai were at the clinic of my pediatrician for my vaccination injection. I was barely 3 months old. As soon as the doctor put that injection on my bum, bhai started screaming, NOT ME BUT MY BHAI. I started crying almost 30 seconds after the injection was pulled out of my bum, but bhai on the other hand was crying from the moment that injection touched my bum before entering. My dad being an emotional person understood what feelings bhai was going through. It was as if bhai was feeling the pain that was supposed to be felt by me. What if I was only 3 months old he could still understand what I was going through.

In those times, our house had 2 air conditioners, one in mom & dad’s room and the other upstairs in OUR room in which we both used to sleep together. Now if I have to recall the earliest memory of him and me sleeping together, it would be him whacking “IT” off at night while I was asleep. Since I am not a very sound sleeper, I used to get disturbed due to his “ACTIONS”. Obviously I didn’t know what he was doing at that time because I was merely 5 years old. I even thought to tell mom that “Mummy, bhai raat ko bhai hilta kyun rehta hai?” ("Mom, why does he shakes in the night" ?) but then I thought to forget it.

Guru Harkrishan Public School, a fine place for a Sikh student to study, have fun, have fights etc.Since bhai was already in class 9^th when I was supposed to join school, I had that extra-ordinary feeling of having a “BADA BHAI” in school. No one could touch me because my brother was in class 9^th. But I being a friendlier person at that time (Not that I am not a friendly person now), I never had any fights with my friends. But still I always knew that if something happened to me “HE” would come to help me. He even became the Head Boy of the school when he was in class 12^th. I still don’t know how he managed to become a head boy in G.H.P.S., because one has to have so many contacts in the S.G.P.C (Sikh Gurudwara Prabandhak Committee), they being the funders of our school and as far as I know my dad, he has absolutely no contacts whatsoever in the S.G.P.C. and also, one has to butter the teachers all the time to be in their outlook and my brother was never the person who would be buttering teachers. But then, he still was THE HEAD BOY.

As it is winter time and one can see his/her breath in the morning, a couple of days back when I was going to college I suddenly realized that when I was small and my mum used to take me to the bus stand for the school in the morning I used to play all the time with my breath coming out of the mouth. I instantly called my mum on the phone and told her that I was missing her leaving me on the bus stand. It actually made me very sentimental.

Memories are what actually keep you running when all the other sources of energy fail in someones life. if it was for these memories people wouldn't be clicking pictures all the time. I don't know about everyone but for me life has two power sources, one being motivation and other being memories.

Ciao.

The Beginning of An Insecurity

15^th August, 1998 Onwards

A new train was to be started from New Delhi Railway Station to Bombay Central, August Kranti Express. And all I knew was that this new train is going to take my old bhai away from me. Yes, he was going. He was going to Bombay for his engineering. Dad, along with my uncle was going to get him settled there. I and mom had gone to see him off at the railway station. After a long wait at the station, the train finally started moving and as the speed of train was increasing; my mom’s tears were also increasing exponentially. I didn’t know what to feel at that time but all I remember was that I started crying seeing him go away, away from me. With whom was I now going to play cricket in the verandah, who was going to save me from mom’s beating and who will save me in a fight at school? These questions repeatedly came in my mind as I was crying profusely. I also remember, that, when I was crying in the car after boarding him off in the train, I was counting the number of years on my finger-tips and was calculating in what class will I be when bhai will come back from Bombay and guess what I would be in class 7^th when he will be back.

Dad was back after a week or so after settling bhai in Bombay. I was probably sitting in the living room watching TV or studying and I don’t know what made me go to his room that evening but I went close to dad and started making a “fish-face” for him. At first he didn’t notice but then after a couple of minutes he did notice me making that face and tears started rolling out of his eyes. He held me with my hand and hugged me very tightly and said “I know what you were trying to do; you saw that I am sad and you tried to make me happy.” I don’t know why I did that but I thought it will make him happy and it did. Even till date he mentions that incident to me sometimes and it still makes him happy.

As soon as bhai left, life became hell. Not literally but yeah, it somehow did. From the day I was born I was used to sleep with bhai but when he left I was supposed to sleep alone. When a 7 year old child is made to sleep alone at night, on the first floor all alone, he practically pisses his pants. As a child it was the worst thing happening to me because of bhai. I was made to sleep alone upstairs, but I just could not sleep. I used to cry all night and then come downstairs to mom and sleep with her. But this could not go forever; I had to sleep somewhere permanently without initially crying.

Since sleeping upstairs alone was not at all happening, mom and dad decided to make me sleep in the living room. NOTHING HAPPENED. As soon as I used to close my eyes, horrible nightmares used to flood my mind and I ended up crying every time.

As mom and dad realized that I am just not able to sleep alone, they decided to move me in their room but on a slightly different bed. It was a thinner mattress with a sheet over it and on the ground. It didn’t matter where I was sleeping, what mattered was with whom I was sleeping.

Now as I look back I think I know what was happening to me. I can’t be left alone in life. I always need someone close to me always, someone on whom I can bank upon. Whether it was bhai before going to Bombay, whether it was mom & dad after bhai went to Bombay or it is Preet or my friends in my current life. At that time the only time when I was used to be left alone was when I was going to sleep. But today it’s not about sleep; it’s more about having someone when I am down.

We the Halberdiers.

Everyone of you knows that after my first semester result things were really bad for me (not because of my result dude, because of the friendship issues with my now really good friends)....had no one except preet to talk to, who was also not with me (she was in delhi and me in dehradun).

There was one group of friends always laughin' at each other or doing anything in their power to laugh all day long...i could hear them laughing all day and that actually made me jealous of them all....i had forgotten how it felt when you laugh.

C-106
Roomates - Varad, Sarthak, Nirmal.
Non-Roomates - Kirti, Ritesh, Dheeraj, Ashish, Aditya, Prateek, Kunal, Chandu.
I went up to the room just to have a look at what was the whole thing that you people enjoyed...and it was a stupid game that I thought I would have never liked if it was not you people who were playing it...AOE, i mean who plays AOE yaar....but when i saw you people playing, i thought there was no harm in seeing you people play...
Varad was the one beside whom I sat to see the game (mainly 'coz I had talked to him earlier)...
"yaar tu har baar huns hi kyun leta hai", I asked him...
"abey ghar nhi banane padte, isliye", answered varad...
As the time went by it was regular of me to be at their room and see all of 'em play....one day when there was an oppurtunity, even I played the game and obviously the team that I was in LOST...but it was not about that I lost the game but it was a fact that I found GOOD FRIENDS....real good friends...

The Thursday Routine...
Mess food was at its worst on thursdays and all of us used to go to maggi point just outside of our college campus...it was so much fun....AOE strategies, jokes on anyone etc etc....

An incident that I will not forget for a long time is the one where you all brought "daaru" to the hostel to drink in the night and all of a sudden Manish Madaan came for a surprise checking in the hostel....
"arey yaar woh almirah mein check nhi karega, pakki baat hai", said varad to all 15 of us, when we said to him that madaan is checking almirah's, bed bunks and every possible corner of the room but when was the last time we or anyone in this world was able to convince Mr. Sabharwal.....meanwhile on the other corner of the floor I thought to check whether ashish, chandu, dheeraj have taken care of their respective bottles abd what I see is chandu rushing towards the toilet to pour all of the stuff in the flush....but atleast he was tryin instead of varad....
2 bottles of beer and another old empty bottle of beer was found from the almirah of varad....fucked was he and all of us (mentally)...sarthak said they checked the almirah first and when they got the bottles from there they thought some more stuff would also be there and they just ripped the whole room apart....then parents came and all sorts of stupid things were said by everyone in Mr. Thapa's room.....in the end they were left on the condition that they will pay a fine of ______ (i dont remember).

Another incident which is unforgettable is the one where you all drank like hell and Kunal was sitting in his common room, full on drunk....nirmal came ti the common room and wanted to sit there with all of 'em (meanwhile I was Kirti and ritesh in their room) and as soon as nirmal sat, kunal said,"nirnal tu please yahaan mat baith kyunki mujhe tere baare mein bohot bura bura bolna hai, if u wanna listen then you can sit".
All of us were dead by laughing at this comment from kunal to nirmal....


This post is only to remind myself as well as you that you all were and will be my very good friends for as long as I know...I dont know how to describe all that I feelfor you all but thats fine 'coz I know you understand...will not be able to forget the time I spent with you all...
From C-106 to Thapar University fest and all the stupidest jokes we ever cracked or will ever crack, cant forget you all....
Thought to do justice to our friendship by this blog and didnt care what I was writing but all that I have written here is from the bottom of my heart for ya all....will have more fun with you in the next one and a half year in this university....
So in the end cheers to you all...
Varad & Kshipra (citra or whatever he calls you)
Sarthak (tere saath bhabhi ka daalun kya)
Kirti
Ritesh
Ashish
Dheeraj & Garima (i dont know your nicknames)
Kunal
Chandu
Sachin
Prateek
Aditya

P.S. - The person behind wikileaks is KIRTI.